Salutations.

I would love to introduce myself to you, being that this is my first blog and all. But to be honest, that's not what I'm here for. Not that I'm attempting to hide behind some computer screen and type the politics of all that I believe in because no one will recognize me - no, it's not that. It's just that I want a place where I can truly feel as though I am free to say whatever I want to, whether it be my struggles in life or the struggles around me. And occasionally some good things in between! Haha, just kidding. I'm a very joyful person but sometimes I just feel like my thoughts are going to explode if I have no place to get them out. I'm sure you've felt the same. Lately I've found myself walking a thin line between what's right and what's wrong. Don't get me wrong, I'm not referring to the every day morals of "thou shalt not kill". But rather the things beyond the ten commandments. What's the line between going to Heaven and flying to hell in a gas suit? There's the big, the bad and the ugly. But there's also the finer line; the things you might be doing that you don't really pay any second thought to but could be the deciding factor of how much God is pouring of Himself into your life. Take secular music for example. Is it on the do or the don't list? Ohh my friends, this is a question I have been asking myself since I gave my life to God back in 2001. Well, that's not entirely true. Because the first church I attended, where I truly grew up in the things of God and developed my levels of understanding and leadership, told me what to believe. Secular music was bad. Spirits can transfer themselves through the devilish beats of the music of hell. If you listen to it, you must honestly question your salvation. But as things began to unravel in my place at that church, I began to ask myself just how much of what they taught me was fact and how much was just scaring me into being saved.

I don't want to be scared into being saved. I want to be saved because I love God, because He is the only One for me and because He treats me as though I'm His precious daughter - which I like to believe I am. Not just because the Bible tells me so but because there's this tugging in the far corners of my heart that cries out "Daddy" with every ventricular contraction. That's why I want to believe that God exists. I know that hell is real. I know that contrary to what people seem to think these days, it's no party. People won't be throwing elbows with Satan like he's their homeboy. There will be no getting down with the demons that torment this world day and night. Imagine soaking your skin in gasoline and then lighting yourself on fire. Only this fire never dies; you can never put it out. Your flesh burns day in and day out and no matter how hard you cry out into the thick darkness surrounding you, there will be no help. And though this may seem really horrible, it'll be nothing compared to the heartbreak you will experience in knowing that God was real this entire time and you will never be able to get to know Him; your chances have slipped from your very finger tips with every foolish act of flesh committed. And despite that conviction that crashed over your body - the one that speeds your heart rate up and causes your palms to sweat, thoughts questioning over and over if what you're about to do is right - you turn your back to it because it just feels good. I know. I've been there, teetering on the line of do I or don't I. And I've failed the test numerous times; we all do - we all fall short of the glory of God. The difference is whether or not we let this conviction change us for the good. Do you? It's something to consider. Where are you going in life? Where is this road taking you? Are you happy? And I don't mean the "yes my flesh is very pleased right now" kind of happy. I mean the honest happy, the kind that ignites a glow within your very soul and causes that lazy grin on the edges of your lips to appear when you're not even thinking about it. Are you that kind of happy?

Consider the music you're listening to. I've battled back and forth with secular music. To be honest, music is my weakness. I believe it's because music is the area God is planning on using me most in. I'll go through periods in my walk where I just crave the music of the world because it's nothing like what I can find on the Christian genre. Yeah, there's great Christian artists out there who can bring me to my knees and cry out for a touch from God. But then there's others who... frustrate me, if I can say that. They continue on in their mediocre music while the world around them pulsates to the pounding of a different drum - a drum we as Christians are supposed to save them from ( well really God is saving them, but I hope you understand what I'm saying ). And instead of changing with the times - not wavering in their beliefs, but stepping up their game - they continue to make music that passes people by. Something that sounds like it belongs on the Brady Bunch is not going to grab the attention of a modern day teenager. And growing frustrated with this leads me into a downloading frenzy of secular music. And then a week later, God tells me this music is not for me and I delete it all. Why? When I listen to it, though I have fun for a little while, I begin to feel beside myself. I begin to feel depressed and my smile has vanished. No, I take that back, it's still there - but it becomes a masking smile to hide what's going on inside. Do spirits leap from music to person? I guess that all depends on what you believe. But do this: try listening to just Christian music for 7 days ( if you need a list of good artists, feel free to reach me somehow and I'll give you some ) and see how you feel. Heck, you could even try it for 3 days. You could probably try it for 1 if you wanted to. God's not limited to time. But you'll feel that shift when you try to listen to secular music again. Am I saying you'll go to hell for listening to that kind of music? Honestly? I don't necessarily think you will. But I think it will hinder your walk with God. I think eventually you will hit a wall in your walk, just as I have, where it's no longer an increase but a sudden decrease in His presence. Because sometimes we ignore His calling for our attention to something. "Oh that's just religion, I can listen to what I want to. And if I can't, it'll be okay because I can repent tonight before I go to bed". It's something I've told myself several times. "God's a loving God - He knows that I love Him, He knows that I believe in Jesus and that's all the Bible requires of you to enter into Heaven". It's also something I've told myself several times. And it's right to an extent - the Bible says believe in Jesus and you will be saved.

But I want to do more than just "be saved". I want to make a dent in this world. I want to do everything God's got in mind for me. I just don't feel as though I can do it while having one foot in the world as well. It's either all or nothing. It's either selling myself out to God or sitting in a pew. All are called but few are chosen. Maybe the called can get away with it because they want to be a professional pew warmer. But the chosen? Those are the ones who sacrifice. Those are the ones who seek after God, doing whatever He asks because they understand that their lives are not their own, but rather mere vessels for God's will to be done. How glorious it must be to be chosen. My Pastor's wife, and one of my closest friends and whom I consider to be my mentor, has always said that yes, Salvation is free. But God's presence is not. There's a price to His presence and it's the chosen who understand that. It's not a scenic highway route to Heaven that the chosen take - it's a living Hell on earth that involves warfare and constant sacrifice. Are you willing to be chosen? The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. The things of this world will only weaken your flesh more and more until eventually, it's snagged your spirit along with it. We've got to be strong. We've got to seek after God. We've got to watch ourselves and those close to us and pray. I think we forget about prayer but there's coming quickly a time where God will turn the hearts of His people back to Him through prayer. And when that happens, the devil will go crazy, doing all that he can to keep the Truth from those he's got within his grasp. Because he knows his time will be short. And the power of God through us, His chosen people, will bust hell wide open.